Frankly, My Dear, I Don't Give A Damn

I finally got around to watching Gone With The Wind, despite all the negative things I'd heard about it.

Did you guys know it was 4 hours long? I missed that little piece of very important information before I'd decided to start watching it at 1:30am on a school night.

Everything I'd heard about GWTW is that it a horribly racist movie. And, as it turns out, it is a horribly racist movie. Even for the 1930's when it was made, it's just bad taste. My opinion on the subject is that Southerners need to not ignore that part of the film, because it is part of our history.

I'm talking to my people now, so listen the eff up. Sugar-coat it however you want, but real talk: during the Civil War, the South was fighting to uphold the institution of slavery. Truth. It's not something to be proud of, but it happened nonetheless.

Yeah. Shit's getting deep now.

If you are a Southerner in 2011 you have no reason to feel guilt when watching films like GWTW, or hearing about the Civil War. There's no sense in feeling guilty, you didn't do anything (unless of course you're racist, then yeah you should feel pretty bad. And get over yourself. It's the 21st century for Christ's sake.) Feel whatever you want, just for the love of God, let go of those damned Confederate flags. It's embarrassing, really y'all. Sure, it represents Southern Pride, blah blah. Would it really be so hard to find a symbol for the region that doesn't say "My great-great-great-grandpaw owned some brown people, and dagummit, am I prowd"? Honestly. It's about as stereotypical White-Trash as mullets and Nascar. (side note: look at this awesome website I found)

So other than the blatant, awkward racism, I had some other issues with the movie.

For one thing, I hear all this talk about how Scarlett O'Hara is this goddess of the South, and she defines "southern belle." I don't get it. She's a bitch! In what world is the quintessential "belle" a bitch? No world! According to wikipedia, a belle's "attractiveness is not in her beauty but her charm," and describes Scarlett as "Charming but not beautiful." Supposedly, her "charm" is supposed to attract all the men. I guess Scarlett has charm. I liked her at the beginning of the movie when she was a teenager and flirting with all the boys at the BBQ. Now that's my kinda girl, I thought. I even liked her when she got pissed at Ashley Wilkes in the beginning of the movie, slapped him across the face and threw a vase at the wall. (Ashley's the guy she's in love throughout the story. It's not until the last 12 minutes of the movie that she finally accepts that he actually never loved her, and we as the audience realize that we've spent 4 hours watching her life fall apart because of this stupid bastard all for nothing.) See the scene below.

This scene brings up something else entirely. And that is I love me some Rhett Butler.  He's a dirty piece of shit, but I love him. He managed to be slimy, witty, dangerous, and sexy all at the same time. And it works for him. He's not necessarily the most handsome man, but his personality makes up for it. I'd do him. He's definitely better than Ashley.

Let me get back to why I hate Scarlett. She uses men as pawns to get things she wants. Some girls think that's awesome I guess. Maybe I'm just bitter because all that my "charm" manages to get me is socially retarded assholes. But whatever, she's still a bitch. She marries her first husband, what's-his-name, to make Ashley jealous (to no avail), and he dies at war. She married her second husband, What's-his-face Kennedy, because she needs money to pay the taxes on her house, and he happens to be running a successful business. He also happens to be the man her sister Sue Ellen is in love with, but marries him herself after she makes up some bullshit about how Sue Ellen is marrying someone else. Not cool, Katie Scarlett. Not cool. Not only does that go majorly against the girl-code, but I feel like it must go against sister-code as well. I don't really know though, since my sister is 14 and we've never had feelings for the same man, and I'm fairly confident we never will. Anyway, Mr. Kennedy is shot in the head whilst leading a KKK raid of a shanty town. So then, the twice-widowed Scarlett marries Rhett for the money, and ruins the relationship with the one man who actually understands her. Such a dumb bitch.

So for 4 hours, we sit back and watch this dumb bitch's life go to shit. Pretty much everyone she knows hates her, both of her children die tragically, and she can't seem to hold down a man to save her damn life. I would like to take this opportunity to point out that NO ONE GAVE ME ANY HEADS UP THAT THIS WAS A SAD MOVIE. I thought it was a love story. But no. It starts off bright and shiny, and then keeps rolling downhill as the minutes drag on, all 233 of them. With each scene you think, Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, her life couldn't possibly get any worse, could it? Spoiler Alert: Yes, it could. And it does. (mental note: RENT TALLADEGA NIGHTS.)

It's worth mentioning in this summary that the man she's in love with, Ashley Wilkes, is married to just about the sweetest woman ever, Melanie "Melly" Wilkes. Melly is who I see as the the exemplary Southern woman. She is kind to everyone she meets. She is the one person who doesn't think Scarlett is a bitch. She always has Scarlett's back, no matter what the circumstances. She even befriends Belle Watling, a "friend" of Rhett's and many other gentleman in Atlanta, and that is all they say to describe her occupation in this G-rated film. (For those of you who are slow, that means she's a prostitute.) Everyone in town treats Belle poorly except for Melanie Wilkes. Always forgiving, and hangs out with hookers. The woman is about as close to Jesus as a person can get. That being said, I can kind of feel for Scarlett. The only thing worse than the man you love being with another woman is if that woman is too nice to hate.

Overall, I hated the movie so much that I loved it. Funny how that happens. I now own it and I've watched it a couple more times, fast forwarding through scenes I don't like, which makes it about an hour. I think watching that way makes it an all together better movie, and I suggest if you're interested in viewing it to watch Libby's Cut.