Maybe I should start early and get a cat now.

Watching Bridezillas. Mainly because I'm bored, also because My Fair Wedding with David Tutera isn't on and I finished the episode of Firefly I was watching.

There is something about this show that always puzzles me: These women are complete and total nightmares. Their families hate them, their wedding parties hate them, the vendors are afraid of them. The groom-to-be always looks like he could burst into tears at any second. But that's just it - how do these women manage to get a guy to marry them?

Now, okay. I really don't want a husband anytime soon. I couldn't handle being married. I just learned how to make a grilled cheese sandwich a couple days ago. I can barely manage to clean up my own mess, let alone anyone else's. And the idea of having to share a bathroom with a male sends me into a frenzy. I was with a guy for 14 months and I maybe pooped at his house twice. And those were only dire cases. When we went on Family vacations together, this proved to be a major problem. I could avoid it when we went to the beach with my family because we didn't have to share a bathroom. I could tell him to go play monopoly with my sister and I'd sneak off and say that Anna or Taylor called with boy problems. When I went with his family to the Poconos for 10 days, we had to share a bathroom. I couldn't come up with distractions. And you can only hold it for so long. So I was forced to, well... All I'm saying is we broke up 2 weeks later, and I'm fairly certain that's why.

Anyway, other than my tendency to digest and dispose of food, I think I'm a pretty decent person. Sure, I'm no saint, but I'm definitely better than a Bridezilla. Which brings me to my point:

I don't understand how the women on this show found men who want to marry them, and I don't even have a boyfriend. I feel like that's insanely unfair. I'm not asking for much! Just a date every here and there with a guy who's not crazy, or boring, or stupid, or secretly involved with a psycho-bitch girlfriend back home. And you know what? I'm nice. I'm warm and friendly. I won't yell at you. I have nodes, so yelling isn't really an option. I won't throw your cigarettes in the sink and then shove them down your shirt and tell you I'll divorce you if you get lung cancer, and then tell you that I'll show up to your funeral and replace the flowers with a pack of camels to let everyone know how you died. (Real bitch said that to her fiance. She also told him she'd break all his Star Wars collector items. She called them "toys." I almost cried.) All these crazy women are snatching up all the good men and I'm left with, what? NOTHING.

It's crap, I tell you. Hot steaming crap.

Life in My Big-Girl Apartment

Pretty Kitchen 

I'm back at Belmont! I've been quite busy. Move-in day was the 22nd, class started yesterday. So far, I'm really enjoying living in an apartment vs. a dorm. First off, I have a kitchen (actually that's kind of a blessing and a curse, cause since I don't have a meal plan, I have to learn how to cook.) I have 3 roommates: Kristin, Brittany, and Nina, and we each have our own rooms, so I can be in my underwear for about 40% of the day and let my alarm ring for 10 minutes without disturbing anyone. Also, we have a washer/dryer in our apartment, so we don't need to lug our clothes to another building. We live on the 4th floor, so we have a little bit of a climb, but it's no big deal.  All of the roommates get along well. Kristin is adjusting to Nina's and my weird behavior (making weird noises, replying to sexual innuendos with a chuckle and "that's what she said," and affectionately calling one another "poopy." I missed my best friend.) My plan was to slowly ease her into our weirdness, but Nina agreed to no such plan. Hopefully she doesn't grow to resent us too quickly. 

Pretty Living Room

Aside from the beautiful apartment with the beautiful view, my classes are going well. I've only been to each class once, so they haven't really had much time to be anything other than mundane. I had Historical Documentary Filmmaking today, which I'm rather excited about. A few familiar faces: a girl who(m?) I've known to be very severe when it comes to prepositions, specifically their roles in sentence structure, and a boy from my sociology class who has a name like "Daniel" or "David" but, for whatever reason, prefers to be called "Chaz." Other classes are pretty similar. A lot of douchey frat-bro types in my New Testament class, an unfortunate way of making an already uncomfortable class that much more unbearable. I'll be spending the whole 50 minutes praying that they all get chlamydia or testicular cancer so that they feel ashamed of their penises and no longer feel the need to talk about them all the time. I think Media Ethics will be rather stimulating, as the first class involved a lot of discussion. Anytime I get to be obnoxious and state my opinions as if they were facts I tend to have a good time. 

As for campus life, things seem to be pretty normal. I re-established my status as loser when my dress got stuck in the bottom of my back pack (partially) exposing my ass-area. I didn't realize it until I'd already walked across campus and into the apartment complex. I went to Bongo Java today and observed the wide-eyed hipster new-comers soaking in the indie-snob coffee shop in all it's smokey, tattooed glory. It's like the mothership has called them home. 

You know what I've noticed/been told that I'm really bad at? Flirting. I'm not a good flirt. A guy that I like is much more likely to think that I don't care for him or that I'm just a weirdo before he ever believes that I actually have feelings for him. The whole ordeal stresses me out. 

What am I suppose to talk to him about? How can I even talk to him while we're in class? Am I just supposed to turn around and give him flirty looks? How does one look "flirty" without being scary? When I finally figure out something to say that isn't completely ridiculous, how do I make it come off as flirting and not sexual aggressiveness? What if what I intend to be flirty comes off as creepy? How do I bounce back from that? What if I turn around to talk to him and I fall out of my chair, or I let out a big fart? Maybe I shouldn't have had grilled cheese for lunch. Would he buy it if I blamed it on someone else? What if he becomes aware of my lactose-intolerance and finds it repulsive? 

By the time this all runs through my head, I get myself too scared and I end up talking to him like he's no one special. Even when I plan ahead of time, going through all the possible scenarios, it never pans out like I want it to. I think maybe I'm trying too hard and thinking about it too much. If only he knew me better, he'd know. The reason I look nauseous whenever you talk to me and why I can't look you in the eyes is that I like you. You know how sometimes, when we do talk, I'll touch your arm or your knee just for a second? Yeah. That's because I like you.  I wish he knew that. I wish it was that easy and I didn't have to change anything and I could be awkward and unusually shy for the rest of my life and not end up alone. Crap. 

I eat my feelings.

I should really stop doing that.

I find some temporary comfort in stuffing my face with an entire roll of chips ahoy cookies after a long day at work. Cleaning up after people until 11:15 was immediately followed by a cop pulling me over. (Apparently I almost caused a serious accident. I'm a shamefully bad driver.). After crying the whole way home (partially because I'm a wimp and cry every time anyone yells at me, and also probably because I realized I could've seriously hurt someone), I knew that only those cookies could truly understand what I'd been through. Besides, they always know exactly what to say.

There are certain foods for every shitty situation. In really dire times, all I need is a spoon and a jar of Nutella, and hopefully a house to myself so no one judges me. The stereotypical pint of Ben & Jerry's is reserved for boy trouble, and is usually paired with an episode or two of Friends. However, I may need to switch to something different, because as my age has increased, so has my lactose-intolerance, and, well, that's not fun for anybody. Another thing I find particularly wonderful when faced with boy trouble, or any kind of stress that I don't want to deal with: a box of chocolates, like Russell Stover or a Whitman's Sampler.

I guess the cookies made me feel better because the cop made me feel like a 5 year old, and chocolate chip cookies always made me happy when I was little. Although, Chips Ahoy has nothing on Grandmama's cookies. You wanna feel like you're biting right into love itself, eat one of Grandmama's cookies. Hell, eat 5 or 6. The dough is even better. Now I wanna go to Owensboro and eat cookie dough.

All I'm saying is that I need to find other ways of making myself happy before I turn into a hippo.

Sleepovers

Today Allison Moehrle turned 14. She had a birthday party. Actually all the girls are still in our basement, probably exchanging stories, gossiping and at least 3 of them are talking about boys, leaving the other 4 completely lost. It's very interesting observing sleepovers from an outside perspective. My mother hates them. Absolutely completely totally hates them. When we got out of the car to go play mini golf (I wanted to go home and read some more of the Walking Dead comic that I got in Austin. I like to read it earlier rather than right before bed because I fear that zombies will come chasing after me in my subconscious, disrupting my otherwise peaceful REM cycle), my mother, who was driving all 7 girls in her SUV, got out and said "You are so lucky you aren't me." I asked her why and she said, "Just listen for a couple seconds." I tuned in to all 7 girls talking/screaming/singing at the same time. "That's what the whole car ride was like."


I've developed a new respect for all she has to endure just by being our mother. She never really had much of a problem with my sleepovers since I never really had very many friends. I think the first one I had was when I lived in California. It was my birthday, Molly Lewis, Mya Randle, and Erin Rogers were my guests. My dad came in from Denver. It was an awesome day. It was "mystery" themed, and we followed clues all over Los Alamitos to get to my party at Shaky's Pizza. If Mom hated putting that together, she sure didn't show it. Although, managing 3 girls she knows well is a lot easier than managing 6 girls.

Erin, Molly, Mya & I at Shaky's

I don't remember how many sleepovers I had. I remember I had at least one in high school, the infamous "Princess Party." We were supposed to stay up and watch Disney movies and dress as our favorite princesses, but, in typical 16-year-old-girl fashion, we ended up gossiping all night.

I've blocked out of my mind a lot the past sleepovers I attended. I mean, I can remember bits and pieces, it's just a matter of if I want to.

I remember the very first one I went to, I didn't really sleep over cause I was too young. The girl's name was Olivia and she was a couple years older than me. She was from New Zealand and was the individual responsible for destroying my childhood and telling me about sex. I'm pretty sure her parents invited me without notifying her first because when I came in she said, in that beautiful accent which I coveted, "Oh no, not her!" Such a warm, sweet little girl. In her defense, I was a really annoying child.

Other than that, I remember one sleepover in which the girls locked me in a closet until the hostess' mother came downstairs and made them let me out. After her mom went back up stairs, she told me that she hated me. I didn't really care. All you can eat Doritos! I wasn't complaining. And then one in 5th grade, I'm pretty sure this girl invited me because she felt bad for me or cause her mother made her. Or maybe she and her friends needed some amusement. I don't know. It was awkward because it was with all the popular girls and I was just so not anywhere near that.

Middle school proved to be a little more successful. Sarah Munfakh always held very interesting sleepovers with lots of crafts or fun games. We watched LOTR at one. I don't really remember much about 6th grade other than Brynnie farting in her sleep (but she did that at every sleepover, a most endearing quality that we very much missed when she switched schools in 7th grade). I remember the summer before 7th grade when I saw Avril Lavigne's video for Complicated and thought I'd discovered something truly unique that I could call mine. However, when we all went to Sarah's sleepover I quickly learned that all the other girls had made this discovery too, and they had also heard her song "sk8er boi" and had her CD.

The middle school sleepovers were never without drama. Someone always got into a fight with someone. The worst was when you went to a sleepover with someone already mad at you about something. Made for a very awkward game of sardines at Anna's house...

Also funny is that Anna's parents would constantly have to remind me to be quiet. It's funny because to this day, 8 years later, they still have to. You'd think I would've gotten the point by now, but apparently not.

Even if I was locked in a closet, or forced to listen to the popular girls talk about themselves, fighting with someone, or having Anna's parent's shush me, sleepovers were probably one of my very favorite things about adolescence. I mean yes, they included a great deal of irreversible emotional damage, but I still loved them. When we're all supposed to be going to sleep, because Anna's parents or whoever have shushed us for the thousandth time, someone would always start giggling for no apparent reason, and that would make everyone else laugh. A game of truth or dare almost always involved mooning and more often than not ended in tears. Someone always had big fluffy slippers shaped like some kind of animal (I had ducks that quacked when you pressed their wings). For me there was always this big question of whether or not I should bring Tigre (stuffed tiger I've slept with since infancy). I didn't want people to think it was stupid, but then again they might think it was cute. I did decide to bring him to college because yes, I am 20 years old, and no, I still cannot sleep without him. Well, I suppose I can, just not well.

My sister got a "zhu zhu pet" hamster thing that comes with this hamster ball, and also a lunch box. My step dad said, "You can put the zhu zhu in you lunch box and take it to school!" I said, "Please don't do that. People will laugh at you."

She just looked at me and said in all seriousness, "You think I care?"

I'm so proud that she has that attitude at such a young age. Being a teenager, while it's often the most treacherous time in a person's life, will be a breeze for Allison. She's so lucky.

Austin, TX: Ok, I get why everyone loves Texas now...

...This part of Texas anyway.

Suzanne is taking some class right now. I'm taking one at 9 (Beginner, of course, since I lack flexibility and coordination). It's too early. That's all I can say about the situation as of right now. It's too freakin early. I'm going to have to get up this early during the school year. Which blows.

My flights were okay. I didn't sit next to a talker on either trip. However, on the first one I sat in front of a screaming baby. Which is annoying, but you can't be mad at the baby, right? That's what I keep telling myself. Oh, and once I landed in Dallas to connect to my other flight, I made a very interesting observation: There are A LOT of hot guys in Texas. This observation was confirmed upon my arrival to Austin. There was a model-looking guy on the flight from Dallas to Austin. Ugh. Gorgeous. He also had 2 empty seats next to him, and smiled at me (just being polite I guess) and I, go figure, got shy and sat next to two obnoxious girls that talked (to each other) the whole time and took pictures of themselves. One kept elbowing me. Good choice Lib.

Two just walked in to the coffee shop where I'm trying to entertain myself. If only I didn't look like hell.

Damn I'm hungry. Suzanne said it's not good to eat before you do yoga, so I have to wait til 10:30 :( 
Those rolls are calling out to me...

I should've brought a book. I'm such an idiot. I brought 3 with me for the trip, as if my flights weren't going to be only an hour each. I'm tempted to just curl up and sleep on this couch, but I'm in public. And since I haven't bought anything, falling asleep on their furniture would be more than inappropriate.

You know when you haven't slept well, and you feel like your face is going to fall off? When I'm in that state of mind I think about the weirdest shit. Not putting it on the internet.

delayed flights suck. (for real)

using the android blogger app. still not sure if i'm going to like it.
you know what's annoying? children.
you know what's awesome? girls in the military.

you know what else is annoying? this doesn't have spell check. lame.

you know what else is awesome? lambert airport is crawling with good lookin guys. it's also crawling with "hot"/tan/blonde chicks.

this flight is incredibly overcrowded. actually i'm pretty sure it's completely full. I hope I dont sit next to a talker. I hate that. Usually, I'm a pretty peppy person. On airplanes? No sir, I don't want to hear your life story, or tell you where I go to school, what my major is, how I like nashville, what I'm reading or why I'm going to dallas. And believe me, I really don't care why you're going to dallas and getting on a connecting flight to somewhere else. Call me anti-social, but I like to read/sleep/watch movies on planes.

5:45. the time my plane was supposed to be departing. still no sign of it. sweet! it'll be here in 10 minutes. gotta get my stuff togeva.

Are you there God? It's me Libby:

I know all your creations are unique and special. However, please don't let this man be Governor. I still want to like living in Tennessee.

Is anything I have to say interesting?

Probably not. But hey, I'll write anyway.

I'm watching Firefly (Joss Whedon - also known for Buffy), ep.2 "The Train Job." So far, it's awesome. AWESOME. Like, I'm wondering why the hell they cancelled the show in the first place. I seriously don't know. It's got pretty much everything someone could ask for. It's a western set in space 500 years from now. 

As of right now my favorite character is Kaylee Frye. She's the ship's technician, and she's awesome. Really awkward. Makes me feel comfortable. I also like Inara Serra. On the show description on wikipedia, it says she's a "companion," which is G-rated internet speak for "whore."

Mal Reynolds, the captain, is played by the yummy Nathan Fillion. His character is a little moody for my taste, but then again I'm only on the second episode. Fillion was picked to play Hal Jordan in the 2011 Green Lantern movie (!!!!!!), but instead the role has been passed on to the even more delicious Ryan Reynolds. I'm pumped.

The only thing I'm not looking forward to is Blake Lively playing Carol Ferris. I mean don't get me wrong, she is certainly a pretty girl. She looks the part (you know, minus the whole being blonde thing.) They should've picked someone else. I can't think of who. But Blake Lively is not a very good actress. Well okay, she's good at playing the nice gorgeous blonde with no personality. Carol Ferris is sassy; she's a leader. She's Hal Jordan's boss, which is another point entirely. Lively is 22? I think? She doesn't look old enough to be someone's boss. Maybe it's just because I'm used to her being the whiney 5th Avenue snob Serena on Gossip Girl. Serena is no Carol Ferris. 

It will be interesting to see how they make it modern. The Carol Ferris of 1959 was the same as every woman at that time: an accessory meant to look nice and every once in a while get mad over "silly things", all for the amusement of their male counterparts, or in this case I suppose they'd be their superiors... whatever. We'll see how she does. 

I'm going to Austin tomorrow! I'm very excited. I've never been to Texas. Suzanne (my aunt) is there getting her certification to be a yoga instructor, so I'm flying out and then driving back with her. 

okay: Firefly side note: River is weird. I know she's schizophrenic. I know. But she's weird! I'm not buying the actress' performance.  

I go back to Belmont in 16 DAYS!!!! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. I'm living in an on campus apartment with 3 other girls: Nina, Brittany, & Kristin. WHOA MAL JUST GOT A KNIFE THROWN AT HIM. HARD CORE FIGHT SCENE. OH WOW. 

Anyway. I can't wait to move in and make up my room and get cute apartment stuffs. 

Can't think of anything else to say right now....