Maybe I should start early and get a cat now.

Watching Bridezillas. Mainly because I'm bored, also because My Fair Wedding with David Tutera isn't on and I finished the episode of Firefly I was watching.

There is something about this show that always puzzles me: These women are complete and total nightmares. Their families hate them, their wedding parties hate them, the vendors are afraid of them. The groom-to-be always looks like he could burst into tears at any second. But that's just it - how do these women manage to get a guy to marry them?

Now, okay. I really don't want a husband anytime soon. I couldn't handle being married. I just learned how to make a grilled cheese sandwich a couple days ago. I can barely manage to clean up my own mess, let alone anyone else's. And the idea of having to share a bathroom with a male sends me into a frenzy. I was with a guy for 14 months and I maybe pooped at his house twice. And those were only dire cases. When we went on Family vacations together, this proved to be a major problem. I could avoid it when we went to the beach with my family because we didn't have to share a bathroom. I could tell him to go play monopoly with my sister and I'd sneak off and say that Anna or Taylor called with boy problems. When I went with his family to the Poconos for 10 days, we had to share a bathroom. I couldn't come up with distractions. And you can only hold it for so long. So I was forced to, well... All I'm saying is we broke up 2 weeks later, and I'm fairly certain that's why.

Anyway, other than my tendency to digest and dispose of food, I think I'm a pretty decent person. Sure, I'm no saint, but I'm definitely better than a Bridezilla. Which brings me to my point:

I don't understand how the women on this show found men who want to marry them, and I don't even have a boyfriend. I feel like that's insanely unfair. I'm not asking for much! Just a date every here and there with a guy who's not crazy, or boring, or stupid, or secretly involved with a psycho-bitch girlfriend back home. And you know what? I'm nice. I'm warm and friendly. I won't yell at you. I have nodes, so yelling isn't really an option. I won't throw your cigarettes in the sink and then shove them down your shirt and tell you I'll divorce you if you get lung cancer, and then tell you that I'll show up to your funeral and replace the flowers with a pack of camels to let everyone know how you died. (Real bitch said that to her fiance. She also told him she'd break all his Star Wars collector items. She called them "toys." I almost cried.) All these crazy women are snatching up all the good men and I'm left with, what? NOTHING.

It's crap, I tell you. Hot steaming crap.