After about 20 legitimate links to my different social networking pages, this blog and my youtube channel, was the worst possible thing that could ever be on the internet. EVER.
"Cheap Hooker Employee Search: List of Names & Contact Info" Underneath that: my name, age, hometown, and university. The same information that can be found on LinkedIn. All accurate. Clearly me. WHAT THE WHAT????????????
I panicked. How the HELL did google search make me out to be a "Cheap Hooker?" And cheap? REALLY?? What did all of this mean? Did someone steal my identity? Was I a cheap hooker in another life time?
And then it all came back to me.
The year was 2006, I'd just come back from theatre camp in Kentucky. I was 16 years old. I had been trying to connect with everyone at camp on facebook, but in Owensboro at that time, MySpace was bigger. I didn't have one because I thought MySpace was stupid. (In hindsight, I was right and should've trusted my gut) But, what can I say? I'm a people pleaser. So I made myself one. I didn't want to deal with all the notifications from MySpace as well as Facebook, so I made it under an old Netscape email address that was still active but I hadn't used in years. I know. Netscape. Damnit, we're old.
Now, for those of you who aren't familiar with the myspace format, it has a little section that helps people to further categorize you to accordingly make judgments based on stereotypes or decide if it's worth it to ask you for nude pics. You are to provide your astrological sign, sexual orientation, relationship status, Smoker/Non-Smoker, height, body type (wtf, right?), school, and occupation.
So, at age 16, I was still just as much of a smart ass as I am today. But with less of a filter. Or a strong grasp on actions and consequences. I filled out mostly all the information truthfully. And, thinking I was being hi-LARIOUS, I put "cheap hooker" as my occupation. *headdesk*
PROOF (see, just a typical wholesome teenage girl.)
You know what's really sad? I hardly EVER used that damn thing. I had like 25 friends max. I used it to fill out surveys when I was bored. But FOR SOME STUPID REASON, I apparently felt the need to update it a couple years later, to inform all 25 of my "friends" and the millions of creepy old men looking for cheap hookers on the internet, that I would be attending Belmont University.
That's not even the worst part. You wanna know what the worst part is? Since I never ever used it, I don't remember the password. And because I made it under an old email account that I never used, I don't remember the password to that either. So I can never take it down. It's going to stay there, for all eternity, just waiting for the perfect moment to come back and bite me in the ass.
I HATE MY LIFE.
This would happen to me, ya know? It just would.
To all individuals who ended up here from reading a sample of my writing provided with my resume, a) thank you for reading my other work, b) PLEASE believe me when I say this:
I, ELIZABETH (LIBBY) ANN GENZ, AM NOT, NEVER HAVE BEEN, AND NEVER WILL BE A CHEAP HOOKER. JUST A STUPID 16 YEAR OLD WITH A TASTELESS SENSE OF HUMOR.
And now please enjoy a song/omen my friend Molly Lewis wrote in 2008 about MySpace coming back to haunt us all in our adult lives:
It would be funnier if it wasn't so true.
Also, if anyone has any idea how to get rid of the connection between me and being a "cheap hooker," please let me know. I'd be happy to hear it.
