I'm Sick of Being Covered in Other People's Food

My first job was hostessing at an Asian food chain called Stir Crazy. I thought it was the worst job in the world. I had no idea.

Now, for the purpose of me not getting fired, I will point out that NO WHERE in this post does it say where I work, since I currently work there and all. People who know me may know the name, but will not mention it because if Libby does not get paid, Libby cannot feed herself, so we will all keep our mouths shut. When my tell all book comes out, you better BELIEVE I will dedicate a chapter to this sorry ass place. 

I've been at work for the majority of the weekend. No time to do much of anything. This right here, writing this post right now is the only time I've had to myself (other than a spontaneous and short dance party with the roomies in honor of Whitney Houston. Some lower flags to half mass, others grieve in different ways. We chose dancing). Now, no, I did not work as much as some of the other people at my job did this weekend. I'm just tired and I want to complain. And you know what, if you don't want to read about my shitty life, than go read someone else's blog. I won't be offended.

Back to work..... ever feel like this?

For the past 48 hours... this has been my inner monologue. On my inside, for the past two days, has been living a Bon Qui Qui that is dying to get out and cut somebody. Think it's a game...

Oh, you want a sandwich with pulled turkey, bacon, cheddar, tomatoes, lettuce, and onions? You want it on a baguette? You what? You want it grilled? Right, so you're not gonna tell me that until I'm almost done making it? RUDE.

You gonna bring that sandwich back saying that you think the baguette is too hard? You can't eat it? Last time you were here you remembered it being softer? So we're gonna need to remake your whole sandwich? RUDE.

You want 2 salads with romaine, tomatoes, mushrooms, eggs, bacon, croutons, cucumbers, almonds, and a bunch of other shit that I've already put away? You want them both tossed? SACCURITY!

You're gonna spend $15 on a salad, only eat the toppings, then leave the entire plate, full of partially eaten food, on your table and not put it in the bin by the trash? GO CHOKE. GO CHOKE ON YOUR $15 BLEU CHEESE CRUMBLES YOU STUPID RICH BASTARD.

Oh I'm sorry, you didn't want nuts on your salad? ORDER YOUR SALAD WITHOUT NUTS, I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND. rude.

Cool, you want a salad with one half prepared for here, and the other half prepared to go? NOPE.

It's 7:04, one minute before we lock our doors, and I've just turned the grill off. So, naturally, all FOUR of your rachet raggeldy ass children want grilled cheeses? GIRR I WILL CUT YOU.

You finna take a massive dump in one of the toilets and clog it up? Cool. You see that plunger RIGHT NEXT TO THE DAMN TOILET? Yeah, you won't be using that will you? Nope. Cause it's not your toilet, right? That's what they're paying ME for, right? RIGHT?? RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!??

Moral of the story, I never was and never will be meant to work in the restaurant industry.

Thank You Disney for Over-Simplifying the Dating Process

But not really.

Liars.

Don't get your panty-things in a wad. I grew up on Disney, and on sad days, I still curl up and watch The Little Mermaid. I'm just confused right now, because things are not turning out the way I thought they would when I was 5. I'm not a movie star, or a princess. I mean, hell, if I was on Little-Mermaid-Time, I would've abandoned my whole family 6 years ago to marry a guy I'd known for 3 days. I consider this a personal failure.

Disney does not prepare girls for unrequited love. I can't think of one Disney Princess who was rejected at any point throughout her respective movie. The girl always gets the guy, that's what we were taught. So it doesn't make any sense to us 15 years later that it's even possible to like a guy who doesn't feel the same. We make excuses like "he's not looking for a relationship right now," or "he's not gay, he just dresses really well," or "Just because he only calls me at 4am when he's drunk and horny doesn't mean I'm his booty call. We have a relationship!" and tell ourselves things like "He'll come around." He will not come around. Ever. "But, last time I saw him, we had this eye-contact thing." Irrelevant. He still doesn't want you. Is it fair? No.

this what the gorillas on Jersey Shore
call a "Stage 5 Clinger" (note how face
almost says "my uterus is waiting for
you...")

However, the unrequited love thing is not what's eating at me. Disney does not do well in preparing girls to make the first move. Think of the classics: Little Mermaid- quietly stalked a dude for a while, lost her voice, he falls in love despite the lack of conversation,
Cinderella - guy went door to door putting strangers' feet into a shoe made of glass after one dance with this girl, Sleeping Beauty- didn't have to do jack shit. She was SLEEPING and someone STILL managed to fall in love with her.

Snow White - got food poisoning, pretty much died, same kind of story as Sleeping Beauty. Prince just happens to walk by her coffin and decides "It probably wouldn't be entirely creepy to kiss this dead woman who is unfamiliar to me."

Look at this bitch. Tramp.

Aside from getting food poisoning and quietly stalking guys I find attractive, which both incidentally occur more often than desirable, I don't know what else to do. How does one go about asking a guy out? Just ask? If you ask does that mean you pay for dinner? Asking out is usually a guy role, so is paying for the food, or so I thought. Is it that whoever does the asking also does the paying? I mean, I'd feel like a bitch being like, "Hey man, I really wanna go out to dinner with you sometime. It'll be great, you can listen to me talk about stupid shit to try and impress you. Oh PS, you're paying right?" That's like if I just asked him to buy me food. I don't want to ask out a guy for the purpose of free food. I want to ask him out because he's awesome. Crap, what if girls that ask guys out are considered skanky? If I ask him out, and he offers to pay, will he be like, uh, expecting something from me in return?

I knew a guy once that said if a girl ever asked him out he would say no. I can't remember if it was because he was a control freak, or just really old fashioned, or if girls asking guys out was weird to him. Is it weird? Feminist-types would say it's empowering. But, no offense to the feminists, they can think it's as empowering as they want, what really matters is what the guy thinks.

Forget it. Maybe I'll just eat cheesecake 3 times a day and get really fat and eliminate this problem all together.