Everyone thinks everyone is stupid.
I know it's not the most welcoming of atmospheres, but that's the way it is. Night crew and Morning crew think the other is stupid. Same with Cashiers/hostesses and Cooks/Waiters. Individuals think other individuals are stupid. Two best friends could get mad at each other during a rush and call the other stupid. It doesn't matter how long a person has been here, if he or she screws up an order, could be just one in a day, everyone thinks that person is stupid.
You have 30 seconds to make a good first impression.
Sometimes not even that long. Look, if you aren't a hot girl, everyone is going to treat you like you're an idiot for the first couple of weeks. Just power through and hope that your new coworkers have the decency to talk about you behind your back. I had the unique experience of working with a manager (nice guy, for the record) who would tell me how stupid I was, TO MY FACE, almost on an hourly basis. I coped by convincing myself that it was a twisted way of showing affection, and that deep deep down, he thought I was a cool person.
Glossary of Restaurant Lingo:
Rush: A time during the day when the restaurant gets the majority of its business; a time of total chaos and mass panic. A friend you thought you had an hour ago becomes a completely different person during a rush. Everyone hates each other. Hurtful things are said out of stress, doors are slammed, food is thrown. I've found as a newbie, it's best to just stay out of the way and make yourself look busy.
"86": a message from cooks or management to employees that have to deal directly with customers, means the store is currently out of a certain item, e.g. "86 Everything Bagels." The proper way to deliver this message is walking to the other person and telling them in an inside voice. It is absolutely not something that should ever be yelled from across the store, because that is beyond tacky. We had a manager at the restaurant I'm at now who, I guess, thought the microphone we use exclusively to call out orders was his own personal way to communicate to the cashiers.
Walk-in Refrigerator: a place where employees go to use their cell phones or gossip about other employees. Oh yeah, and I think they keep food in there.
There's only room for one Crazy Old Man at a time.
Any more will throw off the balance, any less, well that would just be sad. The Crazy Old Man has always been there. He loves to tell stories that leave you wishing you hadn't come in to work at all. When he's talking you hope the story he's telling you is a joke, but you're scared because you know it could easily be the truth. So you wait around to see if ends in a punch line like "and that's how I killed my ex wife," or "Cocaine is a helluva drug." He literally knows how everything works. If the Crazy Old Man ever left, it is certain the restaurant would shut itself down in a matter of weeks. Rules apparently don't apply to him. He's never been a manager, but he thinks he's in charge of everyone. You may see that this causes problems with those who are actually in charge. As a newbie, you should probably just do what he says. Which leads me to:
The socially constructed hierarchy of a restaurant goes like this, from top to bottom:
Owner's Mother
Owner
Owner's Ex-Wife
General Managers
Crazy Old Guy
Store Managers
Assistant Managers
Cooks/People who make the food/Waiters
Cashiers/Hostesses
Everyone else
New people
Misery must be earned.
We all know that this is not the best job in the world, but you can't just walk in and already be complaining about how much you hate it. When I started at the place I'm at now, I worked with this girl who absolutely terrified me. She wouldn't talk and she looked like she wanted to punch everyone in the face all the time. I tried to relate to her by saying things like "This place is so awful, I hate it here! LOL!!" This was NOT OKAY. I had no idea. I did not know her pain. Once I worked there for a little longer, I began to understand where she was coming from. This girl woke up at the ass crack of dawn and spent the first 4 hours of every damn day alone with The Crazy Old Man, forced to listen to him ramble about his thoughts on God, Waffles, Hallucinogens, or whatever the hell went through his head at the time. All things considered, she handled it better than I would have. So no, you are not allowed to truly hate your job until you've actually gone through some struggles. Like the obnoxious regulars who treat you like crap, or when someone calls out "sick" (aka hungover) so you have to do double the work, or when you have to remove a whole slice of bread from a clogged toilet, and so on.
If there is more than one Spanish-speaking person on staff, they absolutely will talk shit on you while you're within ear shot.
And honestly, can you blame them? If I could speak another language with someone at work, I would definitely take full advantage of that. My very first job was a brief stint as a hostess at a PF Chang's-Wanna-Be Restaurant. On my first day, I met Leticia, the oldest hostess, and therefore the self appointed "boss." Also on my first day, I stood next to Leticia at the hostess stand while she and another spanish speaking employee discussed how stupid I was. I know this because she would point at me, do air quotes, speak in a higher pitched mocking tone and then her and the other girl would laugh hysterically. I just remember thinking to myself "That's not really fair because, if I were to call you a bitch to your face, you would know what that means because you're bilingual." Unless you want to learn spanish, it's just one of those things you'll have to learn to accept.
Girls are secretly disgusting.
Women are beautiful, majestic creatures. Part of our mystique is how effortlessly pleasant we seem. If you are a boy and you've never been around a big group of girls for an extended period of time, your world is about to be crushed. We don't fart sprinkles. We fart real farts. Sometimes we even do it on purpose. And then we laugh about how bad they smell. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
Sexual Harassment Guidelines:
While working in this environment, it's normal for people to become close with one another, physically and mentally. Here's how to make sure you don't go too far:
-If you are Ugly*: sexual harassment could mean anything past saying, "hi." Too much eye contact, remembering everyone's names, "encouraging" pats on the back. Enough. We know what you're really saying. Pervert.
*Ugly = fat, completely bald, super sweaty, just overall a disgusting sight.
-If you are Hot: it's okay. Just don't be too creepy about it.
-If you are a Homosexual Male: it's okay when it's towards females. Could be hugely flattering to straight girls, who think attention from gay guys means they're fabulous.
-If the Harasser is Female: it's HILARIOUS. Under every circumstance. Just deal with it. Especially if you are an 18/19-year-old male. You will be eaten alive, all you can really do is learn to love it.
Once you quit, everyone is allowed to exaggerate about how stupid you were.
Obviously.
Secrets last about 1-5 minutes in a restaurant.
It really depends on how much is going on in the store at the time. If it's a slow day and there's nothing for the employees to do but talk to each other, that secret will already be fully embellished with new twists and angles and retold to everyone in the time it takes for you to walk the length of the building. Some people have a functioning conscience that respects your privacy for about 3 or 4 minutes before they tell everyone. So if you have a secret and you absolutely cannot keep it to yourself, choose who you tell wisely. Or just assume that everyone knows.
Women named "Anne" are very picky about their orders.
When in doubt, yes she wants cheese on her chili, yes she wants more noodles than broth in her chicken noodle soup, and no she doesn't say please or thank you.
When eating at work: If you can't fix your own food, you have no right to put in a complicated order.
You also have no right to hover next to the people making your food giving them commentary. I don't care about how much your weird-ass boyfriend likes this annoying sandwich, I don't like grilling pulled turkey and I don't like you either.
Learn the art of being fake nice to people.
Not only does it help with unruly customers, but it comes in handy with annoying coworkers as well! Never underestimate the power of a toothy smile and a slightly cocked head. It doesn't matter how angry you are, if you are in that position everything you say will sound nice. Just make sure to continue blinking regularly or else you'll look crazy.
Happiness at the expense of others is the typical way a restaurant staff stays sane.
Pranks are not mean. Pranks are a totally acceptable way to boost morale. Saran wrapping things is a trustworthy go-to prank. One day, I made these signs for a coworker named "Cullen" and hung them all over the back of the store:
 |
| I was so proud of this. I think it ended up being one of those things that only I thought was funny, and everyone else thought it was really weird. But I don't care. |
I think that's just about everything you need to know for now. You should be able to walk in your first day with your head held high. If all else fails, take a deep breath and remind yourself "this is only temporary."
