Singleton

The holiday season is hard. It's really fun and awesome. But it's hard. Mainly because during the months of December and January, it tends to snow. And snow and I have never gotten along. It makes me trip and fall on my ass, and I don't find that very funny. On Christmas my sister and I were going to take a trip to Walgreens to get soda, and I had to clean off my car. I slipped and fell in the snow, my legs half way under the car, and the rest of my body crunching into the snow. As my sister laughed, I lied there in shame.

Alright. It's a little funny.

Another reason why the holidays kind of suck is because so much of the focus is on couples. As a single, I don't particularly care for that. I'm at my dad's and on New Years Eve he and Wendy (girlfriend/CLSM) had their friends over. When all the couples were getting their new years kisses, I sat there clutching my cup full of vodka and orange juice and looking hopefully at the dog (who shot me down. He still doesn't like me.) Now, it's not like I wanted to kiss anyone at the party. It just made me sad that I had no one to kiss. Shit, the dog didn't even want me.

I was sad for a total of 48 hours. And then I realized, I have nothing to be sad about. Being single really isn't bad. It's very very good.

And here's a list of the reasons why, incase I'm ever sad about it in the future and I forget.

1. I can make my own decisions.  When you're in a relationship you have to make decisions based on another person's needs. Dinner. I want to go to McDougal's.

I can have this whenever I want. (During the hours it's open)

He hates McDougal's. So I can't go. But if I'm single, I can go to McDougal's and have delicious fried chicken and the amazing dipping sauce any damn time I please. And it's awesome. I wouldn't date anyone who doesn't like McDougal's anyway. And when I eat is totally up to me too. I don't have to wait for his band practice to be over, or for him to get off work, or nag him to stop playing WOW. I can just get up and friggen go. Who's driving is never an issue either. I'm driving always. And I don't have some asshole asking me to pay his gas money cause he "drives my ass everywhere." I only have to pay for my gas. (Which, admittedly, is still too much.) The freedom is incredible. Every decision I make only effects me, and I only have to consider myself. That may seem selfish, but I don't have to care! Of course, all this would change were I to get a dog. And while dogs can't pay for dinner, they also don't talk about how bad they wanna bang Zooey Deschanel. Blonde bitch.

2. I can listen to whatever music I want. I have an intensely guilty pleasure. And that guilty pleasure is popular top-40's music. I know. Going to a "music" school, this is quite possibly the worst thing I could say. But it's true. I love Lady Gaga. And Keri Hilson. And Lil' Wayne. And Jay-Z. And Beyonce. I know all the words to "Stillettos (Pumps)" by Crime Mob, and Ludacris' "Move Bitch." I watched the Ciara "Ride" video about 25 times attempting to copy her dance moves (didn't work out so well. Not a good dancer.) And as much as I hate everything she is as a person, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't have 5 or 6 Ke$ha songs in my iTunes library. (I can sense you judging me. Stop it.) I can listen to this pure awesomeness without my "boyfriend" bitching about how shitty it is, or how it's "not real music." I don't have to deal with him controlling the radio/ipod, listening to the crappy emo music he says is better than Young Spiffy. (seen below)


3. I don't have to shave. Guys can feel me on this one. It's a pain in the ass. Nothing spoils a nice warm shower like having to rub a poorly guarded razor on your legs. All I gotta do is put some long pants on and I can live like a grizzly woman. It's awesome.

(not my legs)

                                                      
              And kind of disgusting.






4. I don't feel forced to pamper myself. I like to straighten my hair, and put on make-up, paint my nails, dress up, all that. I love pampering myself. But only when I want to. When I feel like I have to or else a boy will think I'm unattractive, it loses all its fun. Sometimes, I don't feel like showering, even though I didn't shower the night before, or the night before that. Sometimes, I feel like wearing sweatpants. All day. I like being able to walk around in a big ugly t-shirt and pj pants with monkey's on them. It's nice. You know what- this might actually be a problem. That might actually be a reason for me to have a boyfriend: motivation to not be a lazy ass and look haggard all the time.

5. Flirting with strangers. That is by FAR the BEST part about being single. If you haven't hit on a stranger before, I suggest you do it right now (unless you're in a relationship, or married). You'll love the feeling, I promise. The possibilities are endless. Here's lookin' at you, cute-glasses-guy working at Auntie Anne's in the Galleria.  


6. No uncomfortable fights. I witness too much fighting in relationships. The fighting alone almost makes the whole idea of having a boyfriend not worth it. Almost. His mom insinuates that you're fat, you secretly tell him that his mom is kind of a bitch, he flips out, you cry. He tells you your family is uptight, you get mad, he flips out, you cry. He says he doesn't like your new perfume, you cry. You don't like his beard, he lets it grow till he looks like a homeless lumberjack, you cry. There's a pattern here... The answer is simple: NO MAN, NO CRY. (Or that I'm a little sensitive, and beards aren't for everyone.)

7. I don't have to be in constant contact with someone. You know what makes me really sad? When I'm at parties and I see a girl or a guy on the phone the whole night because they have to update their boy/girlfriend on everything that's happening. "Just took a shot." "With who?" "Stan, and some other people." "Stan?" "Yes." "I don't want you hanging around Stan. He still likes you." "Hold on, I'm about to puke...Stan, will you help me?" "Don't let Stan hold your hair back!!!" It's sick. If your boyfriend can't be at the party with you then screw him! Have fun. And I do have fun. Always. Unless I drink too much.

8. I have SO MUCH FREEDOM. This hardly needs an explanation. I'm 21. I'm in college. I like being able to do whatever I want with whoever I want whenever I want. For the first time in my life, I'm really loving not having everything planned out. I can stretch, and explore. And I don't have to hang out with his stupid friends and pretend like they aren't stupid. WIN.

9. Flirting with strangers. It's THAT awesome.

There are a billion reasons why having a boyfriend or someone to kiss on new years would be nice. And I'm not saying that I don't want to date, or anything like that. I'm not saying that having a boyfriend isn't fun as well. I just think if you can't enjoy being single, that means you can't enjoy yourself. And if you can't enjoy yourself, you can't enjoy being with someone else. There's no use wasting my time being sad. I've got it made right now. Being single is the shit. And maybe some guy will come along who will be worth giving all of that up, but until that happens I'm having myself a good damn time.