A Very Interesting Weekend Ruined by Some Dead French Guys.

This weekend started off good, and then it got better, and then it got better again, and now it's dumb cause it's over.

Friday night was ladies night. The roomies and I grabbed some dinner and saw Easy A, a movie about a high school girl who lies about losing her virginity. Wow. That brief of a synopsis makes it sound like a porno.

Not realistic at all. He would never go for her.
And 17 year old boys don't have that much chest hair. 

Anyway... In this movie, which was rated PG-13 and had no nudity, the "weird girl who no one notices," played by Emma Stone (who is of course, drop dead gorgeous) has boys pay her with gift cards to pretend like she had sex with them. She doesn't actually have sex with anyone in the movie. No one has sex with anyone in the movie. Oh actually, that's not true. Oh well. She ends up prancing around the school in lingerie and everyone hates her and then she gets the guy of her dreams, played by Penn Badgley.

Weird-girl my ass...

So pretty much it's one of the most inaccurate portrayals of high school to ever hit the big screen. But it's still hilarious. I'd see it again.

Seeing that movie paired with other events which occurred this weekend has made me a little nostalgic.

I was a legitimate weird girl in high school. I was as weird as they come. None of this hot red hair, beautiful complexion, effortlessly gorgeous nonsense. Braces. Bangs that I thought were edgy but really made me look pre-pubescent. Acne. Freshman year I wore an army surplus jacket and a Green Day t-shirt almost every single day. It was kinda nice because I didn't really care about what people thought of me. However, one too many criticisms from my then best friend led me to second guess myself.

Living with the weird girl is much, much less painful than suppressing the weird girl. Because, let's face it, she's bound to come out. You can put a horse in American Eagle jeans, it's still a horse. (I don't know why you'd ever put American Eagle jeans on a horse, or why a horse was even my animal of choice. I digress.)

I really wish I could go back and tell my 16 year old self to chill out.

I went through my old facebook photos to find the most embarrassing high school-y high school picture I could find. I'm having trouble finding one where I'm not holding up a peace sign whilst puffing my lips out (why did we do that? Did we realize how stupid we looked?).

oh lord. Okay. Just one trout-pout picture. And Anna, If I'm going down I'm taking you with me.

the first boyfriend

Okay, not really embarrassing, but still the best friends
anyone could ever ask for.

So glad it's over.

Ammiright?

I Can't Afford to See.

I was supposed to have an eye exam today, but I had to cancel it. Wanna know why? Cause I only had $10.47 in my bank account. I took $10 out of my savings, so now I have $10.99 in my savings and $20.47 in my bank account. That's hardly enough for food let alone an eye exam. Hell, that's not even enough to get gas to drive out to get my eye exam, which is another problem entirely because I'm on E.

When I called to cancel I told the receptionist I couldn't make it in because I have no money. She became uncomfortable and asked if I wanted to join a payment plan that would make the payments smaller by spreading them out over 12 months. No. I don't need a payment plan. I'm in college. I have shit to do.

Being an adult means giving up luxuries like 3 meals a day and the ability to see clearly. And that's even from me getting money from both of my parents. Nobody told me that, so I feel like I should let everyone know that when you're in college and not on a meal plan, it sucks. You can't eat because you have to buy medication or toothpaste. Toothpaste is like $5. That's crap. Toothpaste should not be that much damn money. I will use a bar of soap, thank you very much. On second thought, no. I wont.

I want corn bread. Or a hot meal that's not ramen or Velveeta instant mac n cheese. Why is it that when you can't afford to eat anything, all foods sound so incredibly tasty? How is that fair? It's not! I WANT SOME DAMN CORN BREAD.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanttttttt

I Need a Mouth Filter.

I have a problem y'all. 

I have a bruise that started about the size of a dime and has grown to about a silver dollar. (holla) (If anyone besides Nina gets that reference, you win.) But for real. This bruise is purpley blackish green, I think. And I say I think because this bruise is on my arse. My right arse cheek, to be specific. 

Now I get bruises all the time. I accumulate them without knowing where they come from. This wouldn't be a big deal. Except this bruise is right on the sit bone. So it hurts when I sit down, it hurts when I'm walking. It sucks. 

I noticed the bruise Saturday morning after running into something (naturally). I showed my roommates, and tried to think back over all the places I could have possibly acquired that substantial of a bruise. 

My best bet is that it happened at the party we attended the night before. It was at the same man-cave-house as the get together/show was last weekend, but this time there were like 30 billion people there. I don't really remember much other than falling off the toilet (again. I fell off the toilet last time I was there too). It will remain a mystery I guess. 

See, I think stuff like that is interesting. No one else does. And I know, deep down, that no one wants to see the gnarly bruise on my ass, but I show them anyway. Well, not everyone. Actually it was just my roommates and Brittany's sister Andrea. I didn't really give her much of a choice, I had to show Brittany how bad it had gotten and before poor Andrea had a chance to comprehend what she was getting herself into, my cheek, avec gnarly bruise, was exposed. 

Luckily, I only shared that story with one friend today. That's what happens when there are lulls in conversations with Libby. The silence, however brief, makes me panic and then I make things awkward by sharing weird information that no one wants to know. 

Me: How was your weekend?

Unprepared Friend: Awesome (or whatever he said)

Me: Cool

Friend: yep

Me: .....

Friend: .....

Me: I have a big ass bruise on my butt cheek and I have no idea how it got there.

Friend: ........ 

Bam. Ear raped. Poor guy never saw it comin'. Bet you're wishing you would've asked how my weekend was, huh? 

You know, it's a wonder that I even have friends in the first place. Most of them know I'm a weirdo and have grown to accept it. Not sure if the previous friend has reached that level of acceptance yet. Me and the roommates spent last Thursday evening at his show making up interpretive dances to his band's songs. So. Freakin. Cool. 

When in doubt, I say whatever is on my mind. I don't know why I do that. But I do. I should probably learn to control it, but life wouldn't be as fun then. 

On a different note, Bepo is all up in my Kool-Aid. I pretty much deserve it, because I didn't get a parking permit for my car. I kept forgetting/was too lazy to memorize my license plate number. But I finally did it today, after I got a ticket and then a notification saying that if I don't fix it, the rate will go up. I can get out of it by taking this 8 page "test." Such crap. But I don't have $50. F.

I have work tomorrow (bleh). I want to call one of the guys I called Thursday night, or someone else who will be nice and interesting and give me $10. Good conversation, and a new facebook friend! Can't get much better.

After reading Anna's blog (my friend in Morocco) nothing about my life sounds interesting. I don't have cool darija words at the bottom of my entries. I don't live in a medina. I don't have a host family who can't speak English. My life sucks. Go read her blog and soak up the culture. All I have to offer is a gnarly butt bruise.

Well, I guess I could give it a shot.

Word of the day:
Rednecki
Corn Bread (Kohn-brayid) - A type of delicious bread that I really want right now. 

Rejection

This post isn't funny. It's not well written, and it's actually really stupid. Mainly just because whenever I experience any emotion other than happy I think it's stupid and no one should pay attention.

Also, I may or may not be a little drunk again.

If you want happy, go down to the bottom of the post.

You ever freaked out about something dumb? And then wondered if anyone else freaks out about that thing as much as you do? And then felt like a total idiot when you realized that you're the only one freaking out about it? And all your friends are like, "Libby, you're thinking about it too much, its not that big of a deal." And then you feel even more stupid because you can't seem to convince yourself that it's not a big deal and you drive to Walgreens at midnight to get some chocolate because chocolate has never rejected you.

Myyyyyyyyyyy life.

In 5th grade, I had a crush on a guy named Tim. "Tim M" for this situation. My friend Kali told me that since I was moving at the end of the year, I should tell him how I feel. So I wrote him a note. I still remember what it said and what color gel pen I used (It was metallic and multi colored. Coolest pen ever.)

Dear Tim,
I really really like you. Do you like me?
Love (actually I drew a heart),
Libby Genz


I folded up the note and during a break from Poms rehearsal (yeah. I did poms. Good times), I slipped it into his desk. We weren't in the same class. He ended up telling the entire 5th grade that he hated my guts and that I was a loser. It wasn't really a surprise, since I was in fact a loser. He was the most popular guy in the 5th grade. I was probably the most losery girl in the whole entire school. Why I ever thought I had a chance with him, I really don't know. Also, he was 11, so girls weren't really interesting to him. I wish I could go back in time and tell my 11 year old self not to do it. "You are a nerd. It sucks now, and it will suck for a long time, but there will be a guys who like that in high school and college, so hold out."

But, alas, I did not learn from this. Then came 6th grade. New school district. New boys. I'm not going to say his name because literally EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WOLRD knows who I'm talking about. Also, he's my neighbor, so while he is mostly unaware of my existence, we still have awkward neighborly run-ins (in which I look over and kind of wave and he pretends not to see me.)  Anyway. We met. He actually talked to me. I fell in love with him. Well, I mean, as in love as you can be at age 12. I stared at him a lot, and acted like I hated him. I wouldn't dare let him know about my feelings because of what happened with Tim M. Unfortunately however, he found out because it turns out I'm not very good at hiding when I have a crush. Pretty much, he saw that as an opportunity to get me to do stuff for him. So it became a game to him to see how much he could make me do. And then one day he yelled at me in the middle of FACS and called me a freakshow. Also not a surprise. Cause I was still a loser. And he was again, very very popular. Also, my "friends" at the time called his house pretending to be me and apparently told him I like him, or something. That eventually turned into him getting other people to make fun of me all the time. I think that was a little unwarranted. I mean, yes, I was a dork so making fun of me is a natural occurrence, something I expected. But making fun of me for being rejected? Come on! Talk about kicking me while I'm down. Needless to say, it was a pretty shitty year in general.

So, basically, I have this huge fear of rejection. Not just from boys, but from everything. At work, when I fail to get any pledges I feel like all the Alumni hate me, and that my boss hates me, and that my parents will find out how bad I am at getting money from people and be ashamed of creating me. All of the alumni might as well be saying, "I can't give any money to you because you're a loser and I hate your guts. Also, your neighbor hates you still because you're a dork, and you'll never succeed at anything ever, so you should get used to working in retail because that's all you'll ever amount to." I never invite people over to my house to hang out or something because I feel like if they say the can't it means that they don't like me or think I'm weird. I don't ever apply myself to anything because the idea of putting forth everything I can and getting shut down is the scariest thing ever.

I know there are worse things than a guy not liking me. I know that. I'm still scared.

Life would be so much easier if every guy liked me. I could just turn people down all the time. Actually though, I hate being on the other side way more. Rejecting someone is way more difficult than being rejected.

You know what really needs to happen? I need to stop drinking and blogging. That's the most important thing.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay. Here's a better story. I actually did get 2 pledges tonight!! Also, I got a free nalgene bottle for being the second person to get a pledge. Work is always awesome when you get to talk to cool people. Or just people that aren't mean or old or putting their toddlers to bed. I also really hate talking to people who haven't had any use of their degree. "What am I doing with my Music Business degree? Well, let me tell you. I run the graveyard shift at IHOP. But I have high hopes for my band." That is so so so depressing. Or when someone says they didn't use it and they had to go back to school. Or when they tell me they're unemployed. That's probably the worst. What do you say to that? Sorry? Keep your head up, you'll find a job? You can't say that because what if they're 65 and they just got laid off? How are they going to find a job again? At my job, we take that opportunity to say something positive and ask them for money. It's just the Belmont way.

Labor Day Weekend Was a Success.

However, I am deeply troubled that my most viewed post was one I created while intoxicated. Not something I can be too proud of.

This post is going to be boring. I just wanted to post something while I was sober so I could draw attention away from the previous post.

The weekend was pretty awesome. Not gonna lie. I spent it like most everybody did. Friday night ended up in a basement of this man-cave-house (I think something like 5 guys lives there) listening to the roommates or friends of roommates or random people who hang out at the house jam for a while. Then Brittany's boyfriend and his friends played a while too. One thing I love about living in Nashville is that live music is always accessible. And not just live music, good live music. Oh, and this basement, was not like a typical basement. It had like a whole light system. Strobe lights, christmas lights, whatever those lights are that put random specks of colored light in random places, all that. And this completely totally wasted/high guy (Never seen a person so happy in my life. I almost asked him for a little of whatever he was on) ran the lights while the other guys played. It was like a mini concert. But more awesome because I was sitting on a comfortable, albeit probably disgusting couch with my roomie, drunk and oblivious. It was fantastic. It's so nice to go to a college gathering that isn't hosted by horny frat guys. Not like any of them come after me anyway. I guess I'm not what a horny frat guy is looking for (drunk, easy, in a sorority, "hot" by societal standards, blonde, etc.) So far, I've spent past college parties not drinking for fear of passing out and getting peed on, and keeping creeps off of Nina. Not very fun. I guess I just never know where the fun is. But damnit, junior year, I'm gonna find it!. 


Anyway, Saturday was a little more mellow. Me, Nina & Ben hung out at the apartment and turned watching Criminal Minds into drinking game, which is a way to make an otherwise grim show hilarious. I don't need to say anything about my mental state. Y'all saw the post. Sunday was boring. Well, it was until I made it fun. We went to IHOP in the morning, and then at night all the roommates who were in town had dates. I apparently did not get the date night memo, so I was left to myself. At first it was kind of a bummer, but then I realized that I had the apartment to myself, so I shut the blinds, turned on Lady Gaga and danced around the apartment with no clothes on. 


I love that quality of mine. I can find entertainment in any situation (for me, not necessarily for anyone else.) Some of you might find it sad that I enjoy these moments to myself, like maybe I should get out more, be social. I'm proud! How many people can honestly say that their entertainment is self-sustained? I love knowing that my life will never be boring. 


Now, yes, it was a little embarrassing when Ben and Nina came back in. Thankfully I was in my robe (I got a little cold), but I was still dancing. But that didn't get me down. I just continued my personal party (ha. sounds so dirty) in the privacy of my bedroom (sounds even more dirty. There's no way to make that sentence not sound inappropriate. Y'all will just have to trust me I guess.)

Monday was pretty boring. So was today. I am having, er, sorry male reader(s?), certain female events that lead to intense cravings for very specific food. The trouble is, I never know what I want until I see it. So I was wandering around Kroger thinking of things I might want inorder to make my trip a little shorter. It didn't help that I was starving. I started off thinking I wanted chocolate. But then I remembered the tubs of Tollhouse cookie dough I saw last time, and thought maybe I wanted that. But no. I settled on a bag of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. They were calling out to me.

It's only after you eat almost the entire bag and you feel like dying turd that you decide to look at the back. You're never happy with what you find.

(That reads: Serving Size: 2, Servings Per Container: 7, Calories: 240. Holy shit.)

I'm not saying I ate the whole bag. I almost did. But that's not the point. The point is, I feel like I could blow chunks at any second, and I'm beginning to realize that I'm going to have to go to the gym tomorrow. Or I could put it off until Thursday....

Milk is Mean.

Today marks the first day of the rest of my life.

I've finally come to accept my lactose intolerance.

I decided to go to Kroger, after a lot of thinking, and make some non-dairy purchases: Lactaid, Soy milk, Kosher shredded cheddar cheese, and just for shits and gigs, some Kosher Animal Crackers.

Picking out the Lactaid was the first obstacle. It's just embarrassing carrying around a box of Lactaid Chewable tablets (I know. Nasty. But the pills were $8 more). I don't know why, and I'm sure no one notices, but it's still embarrassing to me. Anything that says "to stop Bloating! Gas! Diarrhea!" on the front of it is not something I want to have any association with. I don't want the world to know that I have any of those bodily functions. I imagine people walking by and saying to whoever they're with, "Oh my gosh, did you see that?? She has a box of Lactaid! She get's diarrhea!!! What a loser! Hahahaha." I concealed the loser-tablets as best I could and continued to shop.

The next thing I needed was soy milk. I didn't see any Silk, which is the only brand that I'm familiar with. Brittany (roommate) told me that rather than soy milk, her boyfriend drinks Lactaid milk. At least I think that's what she said. I don't always listen. I saw that, and I saw Kroger brand lactose free milk. I immediately went for the cheap choice, and sat there holding it for a while. The Lactaid Milk was over $5, so it was out. The Kroger brand was a little over $2. But did I really want to buy cheap fake milk? Is fake milk something you can skimp on? Then I realized that it was fake milk. That's probably the grossest thing ever. So I went back to the soy milk. So many options. Not too many brands, but so many different flavors. Plain Soy milk, vanilla soy milk, light vanilla soy milk, chocolate soy milk, light plain soy milk. I found myself missing the simplicity of picking out milk. Just Skim Milk. One gallon. Done. I finally chose the light vanilla organic soy milk, and I was so not looking forward to trying it.

I have to admit, it was little fun standing in front of the Kosher food and looking at all the new things offered to me. Growing up Presbyterian, I've never had any need to shop in the Kosher aisle. To be honest, I'm a little surprised that the Green Hills Kroger even has a Kosher section, as there is no synagogue anywhere near that I'm aware of. In St. Louis they're freaking everywhere. Although, we also have actual Kosher grocery stores in St. Louis, not just a section in the International Aisle. I almost bought a box of frozen latkes, but decided against it at the last minute because I'm broke. I may have to go back and buy them though... I decided to go with a bag of Animal Crackers, cause why not. (They ended up tasting like ass hole. I kept trying to convince myself that I'd get used to them and that they didn't taste like pepto bismol, but after about 5 or 6 I gave up.) I also picked up a pack of shredded cheese that hopefully will taste somewhat like cheese. I decided not to go with the sliced cheese that was labeled "American Cheese Food." Cheese Food? Why does there need to be food in there? Is it actual cheese or is it just cheese-like? I didn't want to know. I figured with the shredded cheese I'll only be putting it in my eggs and stuff, so I wont be able to taste the difference.

The Kroger Coupon machine must've been bored. Once I'd finished checking out, it spat out a coupon for Digiorno frozen pizzas. "Get More of What You Love." More like "Get More of What Gives You Gas." I was not amused.

I realize that this whole post is about my experience with non-dairy food. That's really sad. Not much happened today. So I'll keep going with that then.

So I went home, and since I hadn't eaten breakfast decided to try eating the soy milk with a bowl of cereal. Upon pouring the not-from-a-cow-milk into my bowl, I immediately regretted my decision. It was brown and murky. Not anything like the milk I know and love. It's juice squeezed from a bean. A bean! How is that supposed to go on cereal? Someone please tell me! Much to my surprise it didn't taste too bad after a while. I was pleased with my choice. Then came the Animal Cracker fiasco. I needed to get the taste out of my mouth with something. So I decided to make a bowl of instant Velveeta mac and cheese and test the Lactaid tablets. I don't want to give details, but I'll just say they worked. I didn't have a stomach ache all day. Well, except for right after I finished my dinner at Sylvan Park (corn bread, fried chicken, greens, pinto beans, more mac and cheese and a hefty slice of pecan pie. Sylvan Park is the tits farreal). But I blame that on the fried food.

So overall, Soy milk = actually okay, Kedem Animal Crackers = never eat them ever, Lactaid Chewables = horribly disgusting, but they get the job done, Sylvan Park = still the tits.

I'm tired. Good night.

How To Be Cool (According to a Frat Guy)

Foreword: Sorry y'all. I was feeling really spiteful when I wrote this in my New Testament class. I've met a handful of nice Frat Guys in my college experience, so please note if you are my friend, I was just frustrated with your douchebag brothers for existing and being the way that they are. Please tell them to shut up, because really they're making you look bad.

So you've decided to join a fraternity. Congratulations! Welcome to the party. You probably decided to participate in Greek Life to get laid. It makes sense. You don't play on any of the sports teams, so without the Frat you'd be hopeless. You feel as though your skills: ability to drink a lot, ultimate frisbee, and a rich father, would be best used in this way. Here are some guidelines to help you become the best Frat Bro you can be.

1) Get yourself a pair of pink shorts. 

They must be light pink, but if anyone asks, you say they're "salmon." If they can't be pink, khaki or any other kind of pastel works. If they have little sailboats or alligators on them - even better.

cool pussy-magnet

2) Wear a shirt with a collection of Greek letters across the front. This makes you automatically cool and the ladies will throw panties at you all the time.

3) If you haven't seen Animal House - no. If you can't recite the entire movie line-by-line, you will fail at being a frat guy. Just give up now.

4) Get yourself a HBSGF (Hot Blonde Sorority Girl Friend). Most likely, all the sorority girls will be looking for a FGBF (Frat Guy Boy Friend), and none of them will be picky. You don't need to be hot by any standards. You just have to be in a fraternity. That's why you need to be fast and pick out a blonde one while they're still available. If the worst should happen, and all the blonde ones are taken, a brunette or a redhead will do. But, she must be hot, although, admittedly not as hot as a blonde would've been. Maybe encourage her to dye her hair. The HBSGF doesn't serve as a typical girlfriend. She's not a companion. She's a trophy displaying your manhood. 

If you don't want to settle for a lowly brunette, you could always go the single route. That way you can have sex with other girls and not get it trouble! Just make sure you get a couple rubbers and go to all the beginning of the year parties. There will be lots of loose freshmen looking to shoot their reputation to hell. 

When it comes to sex: if it breathes, smells like booze, and has decent-ish tits, it can and WILL go home with you. If you're looking for a sure thing go for the girl with 6 or more solo cups stacked in her hand, or the one who's walking around asking everyone where her shoes are. If all else fails: roofie her drink. Your brother's will not find this to be immoral or wrong, rather they'll think it's funny and give you fist bumps. 

If you haven't had sex, lie. There are no virgin Frat Guys. Well, except for a couple in the Christian Frat, but they don't really count.

5) College is a vehicle for you to get stoned/wasted/laid, and serves no other purpose. While you never do your homework and outwardly express your disinterest in class, you should always come prepared with things to say. Especially if you don't even know anything about the topic. Just talk as though you are an expert on everything, because let's face it, you're in a frat so you must be. And when you run out of things to say, repeat what you said before but rephrase it to make it sound as though you're saying something different. Talk for a really long time. Everyone in the class will be super impressed by how effortlessly smart you are, even though they should've guessed. I mean, you are wearing pink shorts. What more do these bitches need?

6) Beer = water. Always beer. Always. The only exception is protein powder shakes. If you can find a way to mix that with beer, go for it. It will only make you look that much cooler. 

7) Lingo is important. Once you join a fraternity, it becomes okay to throw out racial slurs, as you probably won't have any black or asian brothers. If there is a token black guy, call him Brownie. Trust me, he'll think it's hilarious and you two will be best friends in no time. You also need to know the greek alphabet. The word dude and bro are acceptable ways of greeting anyone. 

8) Since you aren't good at any real sports, you need to become super serious about your frisbee throwing ability. You can't play baseball or football. Frisbee is all you have. Women will find this to be refreshing. Baseball and Football are such pretentious sports anyway. 

9) Important people who you must know:

-John Belushi

-Ralph Lauren

-Jack Johnson

You now have the knowledge to go out and conquer the Greek world. Use it wisely, and best of luck to you.

PS: if you really want to, maybe go play frisbee in the middle of Wedgewood around 5pm and get hit by cars. That would be awesome.