I'm boring.

Am I though? I feel like I am. I don't really do anything other than work. I feel like I'm stuck.

I watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills tonight. (THIS IS THE GRIPPING LIFE THAT I LEAD.) (ALSO THIS WAS WRITTEN ON A MONDAY SO THAT STATEMENT IS INACCURATE.) I really don't need excitement like that in my life. Their lives certainly aren't boring. Or maybe they are, and they are so bored that they have to create stupid drama* problems that aren't really problems, write books about their divorces**, spend lots of money, and get really drunk off of $100 bottles of champagne - no, no. That still sounds awesome.

I want to be so rich that I'm never bored. I want my wealth to make me delusional so I can write Best-Selling books about ordinary problems, or star in a reality show where I throw drinks at gay event planners. Is that too much to ask, universe?

Have you ever seen RHOBH? Those women act like high schoolers. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it though. I like watching them get in fights about misunderstandings and accuse one another of being "on drugs." Instead of being a real-life bitch I can live vicariously through their bitchiness. Also they live such ridicu-fabulous lives. Honestly, if you took away the beautiful mansions, the expensive restaurants, and the regular trips to fancy resorts in various tropical locations, the show wouldn't be entertaining because the women would be normal. Those ladies can do anything they want, have tantrums at five star restaurants (you know if anyone tried to flip a table at T.G.I. Fridays, the police would be involved), and jet off to wherever. 

I've hardly been out of the country. I went to Toronto in 8th or 9th grade to go to a wedding. The groom used to work with my parents. He married a girl from Nova Scotia I think. MY POINT: Canada does not count as out of the country. It hardly even counts as a country. Canada is the US's ugly hat that we can't take off. (It covers our bald spot.)

I see all these women who have done all these awesome things. They studied abroad in college. They take artsy pictures while mountain biking somewhere in the Pacific Northwest (where I have also been, for the record), they speak a language other than English. They pull off that whole "natural" look and no one asks them if they are sick/tired. BITCHES. 

I guess what brought this on is all my fault really. It's a lesson in internet karma: If thou doth stalk thy person of interest (and in this case, his sister) (and his mom) , thou will find some superior women to compare thyself to, and thou shalt feeleth like dog shit. Creepy, uninteresting, uncultured dog shit.

The worst part of this whole experience is that I think I'm boring. I don't want to think I'm boring! I'm supposed to be my #1 fan! If I don't have my back then who will? I learned that from Beyonce. Me, Myself, and I, that's all I got in the end.

I need to get out of this rut and find a new adventure. Preferably one that's free and wont end in humiliation. So that eliminates anything involving gracefulness or upper-body strength...

*I want to stray away from using the word "drama" for every tense situation. I don't know, I'm really starting to hate that word. It's becoming a cliche. Girls say this crap all the time and it's hilarious: "I hate drama." If you have ever spoken those words you do not hate drama.  

** Who keeps telling these women that writing about divorce is a good idea? They are not the first ones to get divorced. Literally HALF of this country has experienced divorce in some way. We all made it through okay without knowing what Brandi Glanville and her Botoxed Housewives friends had to say about it.