Nom Nom Sob

In St. Louis for Easter Break. Left this afternoon without breakfast, or lunch. Or snacks.

 I hadn't eaten at all until dinner. I had macaroni and cheese. That's it though. Starving. However, I can't eat because I'm trying this new thing where I alter my daily eating habits from continuously-eating to only-when-I'm-hungry. And I realize that, yes, I am hungry right now, but "the rules" say that you aren't supposed to eat past 8pm.

Some may be wondering why I'm suddenly concerned with my eating habits. I'm trying to stay positive, so let's just say I've gotten a little too "phat" and can't stand the sight of my lumpy ass any more. If my stomach was covered in snow, it would make an excellent sledding hill. I could almost pass as being in the later stages of pregnancy. More of me to love? *sigh*

This change will be difficult for two reasons: I have to work out, and I have to eat less good food. (By good food I mean food that tastes good to me.) It will eliminate my very favorite activity, which is sitting in front of the tv and eating.

I recently had a conversation with a skinny friend that depressed me beyond words. We were sitting in Sweet Cece's, and I was telling him all the things I'd eaten earlier (which I realize now was probably only interesting to me... oh well). For dinner I had spaghetti and meatballs from Fazoli's, which comes with two breadsticks, I ordered two more. On the way home I passed a Krispy Kreme drive-thru, and since I have no will power, immediately cut across on-coming traffic to get in line. I waited about 15 minutes for 3 glazed doughnuts, loathing myself with every second.  So for those of you keeping score, that's a plate of carbs with a side of 4 heavily buttered carb-sticks, and 3 deep fried glazed carbs. And then, on top of that, here I was eating a cup full of froyo. (Well, sorbet. Tryin to be healthy, right?) I felt like such a worthless fat ass.

"So?" he asked, through a mouthful of yogurt. "It's just food."

I don't know if he was trying to be nice or trying to get me to shut up. Probably the latter. A big part of me hoped he'd choke on that froyo-covered brownie, which he could eat without guilt.

To skinny people who are genetically designed to stay skinny, it is just food. I hate those people. Those people can sit in the Krispy Kreme drive-thru and enjoy the experience. "Hellllll yyyeaahhh!!" they yell, as they happily hi-five the guy at the window. Skinny people will never understand how horrible it is for the rest of us. They see us, our foreheads sadly resting on the steering wheel, and wonder why we aren't more excited. They might even think it's rude how we give the window-guy our money without smiling or making eye contact. We don't care.

Skinny people, I can promise you that every non-skinny person in the Krispy Kreme drive thru is thinking the exact same thing: "Fuck. My. Whole. Life."

This is a video interpretation of the fat-person experience. Funny as shit. Please enjoy, unless you've never struggled with your weight. In that case, piss off.